Divorce at Prime Time (Confessions)

KiN presents the following from Tandarua Bora (not his real name)

Thanks to KiN for bringing this up. I was happily married (or so I thought) to a woman in this cold snowy country. We had known each other long enough to evade imagination of a possible separation or divorce. Our friends had become mutual and quite close to us. We got three healthy children in the years of our courtship and eventual church wedding. Then came the bombshell, my wife with whom I had shared everything, visited my parents and family memebrs both in Africa and abroad had more than just me in her list of men. The lady shocked me one day when she sent me a text message telling me that she felt there was not so much love left for me in her baggage and that she had relocated to a new address! First, I took this as one of her simple jokes but then reality hit the ground. I replied her asking for a clearer presentation of the same. I asked her to educate me on what she meant, but little came from her quarters after the last few text lines.

I pondered why it had taken her so many years to realise what she now presented so casually. Was this a desire that she had harboured all along or was it a current decision? Is there another man in the picture? How and where did she relocate? What happens with our children etc.

Her explanation was equally simple and confusing i.e ' this has nothing to do with you since you are such a fantastic husband, man and father to our three children'. The only problem is that our marriage doesn't seem to funtion and is a little complicated. I was perplexed, felt cheated and worn out. I started imagining the life I had gone through and the struggles I had won, of racism, discrimination, studies, odd jobs etc. Everything meant nothing. I thought I had reached the wall and took all the blame for her dissatisfaction. I asked for apology and wondered whether there was anything I could do to reverse her decision but no, she had decided to leave.

I wanted to know where and with whom she was planning her next life. There and then, she informed me that she had, throughout our lifetime, another side affair with another man not known to me. She started blaming me for everything and threatened me that in case I try to tamper with her decision, I would face the strongest arm of the law. I was devastated, felt terrible and went searching deep in my heart and mind for anything that could make me believe that this was actually the reality. I went deep into my psyche to find a solution to my apparently crazy new life, with three children, an apartment, all the bills, a wife who is out dating another man almost immediately after departing from my arms....all was meaningless.

Reality proved me wrong, the woman was gone and enjoying her life like she had just turned 16 while here I was, with my children, alone and with all the logistics of after school activities, my job etc. What was next?

Living in a small town, several of my acquintances in several public places observed my wife and before she even knew it, I was already well versed with her new address and her new lifestyle. She went around her business as if it was the norm at the time. I was also very lucky to spot her with the man in town one afternoon. Believe it or not, she practically dumped the children and didn't care much about how they managed their life. This made things even more difficult to swallow since the hard truth had now hit my board; she was not joking when she talked about the man. Now the facts of life started pounding my vitality, I started the awesome journey back to the start, how we met, all that we had gone through, the first steps our kids made, their first day at kindergaten, at school, all the holidays... the load was huge.

Anyhow, I have my children despite the terrible two-year court case and tug of war that we had to go through. My wife's 'hot love affair' with the man dubbed and she has since changed four men and look terribly wasted. She has lost two jobs and is currently on the social welfare's payroll, thanks to the Norwegian Welfare System. She is now pregnant after an affair with an African man who actually dumped her right after realising that she had conceived.

On my part, success followed that great downfall. I got a new and better-paid job; I moved my children to a very nice and expensive private school, bought a nice mansion, a new car and decided never to get married again. My children are actually happier now than ever before. We travel and enjoy each others’ company to the maximum and life is actually very kind to us. I have since invited my parents for a 2 month visit of Norway and our children now speak fluent swahili besides english and norwegian. In a way, I should thank the woman for dumping me and the children for her long time lover. That move opened a new avenue for me and my children.

Please KiN, allow my article through your board, I have more to say, but I know you cannot take it all.

Kind Regards,
Tandarua Bora